


Friendship spelled backwards is blackmail

by solarift



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Crack Fic, Friendship goals, Gen, Harry Hart is a Little Shit, Humor, M/M, Young Harry, long-suffering Merlin, not technically merlahad, young Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 12:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8102059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarift/pseuds/solarift
Summary: That one time the aggravating knight known as Galahad blackmailed Merlin into being his friend. 
Featuring young and smug agents, formal doggy attire, and Merlin's mad descent into friendship.
 
Based on a manip I did.





	

Harry had been trying to get _Emrys_ (a nickname he’d since dubbed the new “Merlin” as the other had refused to share his name upon the new tech wizard’s introduction into Kingsman and the knights he’d eventually be in charge of) to go out for a pint, grab some grub, have a chinwag, and any other plethora of ideas Harry could think up whenever he happened to see the man.

Needless to say, Harry’s endeavor to adhere to his psychiatrist’s suggestion of “making friends that you can’t blow up… _without_ serious repercussions” (they’d added that last bit as an afterthought) had proven to be far more fraught with difficulty than he’d originally surmised.

That had been months ago.

Months!

Months of being friendly- at least a very close synonym of the definition of the word in any case- and trying to trade witty repertoire and other camaraderie-like things, and it’s amounted to nothing but scowls, aggravated sighs and ill placed ignorance (Harry was literally being ignored at times!)

And Harry had had enough of it! Months of Emr- _Merlin_ blowing off Harry’s invitations to dinner, and it’d finally become one time _too many_.

So, naturally, Harry did what he always did when ~~_the petulant child in him_~~ \- ~~**when no one paid any attention to him**~~ \- when the proper amount of respect was due but not being given, well, he waited. 

* * *

It was when Original Merlin stepped aside, finally comfortable in his protege’s progress to let New Merlin take over the reigns that the time came. 

Original Merlin stood back to observe New Merlin (NM) as he handled his very first high profile case, overlooked but not to be aided by not only Original Merlin (OM) but also Arthur, leader of Kingsman. As things seemed to be going well as NM finished giving the tech minions ordered he turned to look at the viewing screen, then down at his dossier at the assigned agent he’d be handling before a voice spoke up from the other side of the comm system.

“Hello, Merlin.”

NM’s eyes widened, heart stuttering in his chest as he snapped his gaze up to the viewing screen in absolute horror. “ _No…_ ” he whispered to himself.

“Dreadful weather we’re having; the forecast seems to be calling for complications this evening,” Galahad said, smug as you please.

Merlin’s lip curled as he stared hard at the wall the glasses were cast toward in contemplation, hoping his scathing eyes burnt holes through the wearer. The view dipped down slightly but only enough to catch sight of the top of a white chair. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve made it to the dinner party already,” Merlin said tightly, slowly.

A ho-hum was the reply. 

“Then why don’t we try to stay on schedule and-”

“I’m sorry, what was that, would you like some more wine, Mr. Pickle?”

_Mr. Pick-? Who the hell is-_ Merlin thought angrily before the glasses dipped down passed the top of the chair, angling at a birds eye view on a small… dog. 

Coughs, condescending, judgemental coughs came from behind Merlin; he chanced a look which did nothing to aid in the retrieval of his dignity as he caught sight of his mentor and boss looking away in what could only be embarrassed rage.

“Why thank you, Mr. Pickle. You look dashing as well in your semi-formal attire,” Galahad said, head apparently bowing in gratitude as the small animal looked at him excitedly, wagging its tail and nearly vibrating out of its skin to try and lap at the wine in the glass that was j _ust out of reach_ of his tongue.

Merlin sweated, cursing everything, but mostly cursing the man on the other end of the mission.

“Bloody hell, you can’t give your mutt wine, Galahad, are you mad!!”

“Barkingly so.”

“Get the bloody fuck to-”

“Now, is that any way to-”

Merlin took a breath, through out the rest of his dignity before adhering to his therapist’s suggestion of “meeting people halfway… before your head follows your hair and falls off your shoulders” as he said through gritted teeth: “You have _twenty minutes_ to get to the coordinates I’ve just sent you, and then an additional ten to locate your target, secure the file and finish the mission if you ever hope to get that bloody sodding pint, you ill-begotten wanker!!!14$!@14143###”

A breath.

A bark.

A vein popping.

And instead of rising to the bait of how very formidable his parentage was- thank you- Galahad instead simply said, “I’ll be done in twenty-five,” before the view of the camera blurred and the man zipped off to do his goddamn job.

 

**The end.**

 

~ - * - ~

##  _**BONUS!** _

“Finally!” someone crowed, startling Merlin.

“Sir?”

“That’s the first bloody time anyone’s ever lit a fire under Galahad’s arse-!” Old Merlin started.

“I’ve never seen the boy move that quickly-!” Arthur added. 

The two men chortled heartily, grasping at their chests as they leaned against one another to somehow stifle their amusement. 

Merlin was at a loss for words. 

“Oh, cheery up, my boy!” Old Merlin began. “Whether you were reduced to blackmail, giving or acquiescing to it, let me tell you that you are the _first_ handler that’s ever been able to get that little hellion to do anything before the mission was nearly ruined before he got bored playing cat and mouse.”

“Christ,” Merlin swore, utterly exhausted already.

“Good luck, kid. You’ll be just fine. Besides, you’ve already lost all of your hair already, not much left to lose!” the man crowed as he and Arthur walked out of the control room.

_Just bloody fucking marvelous._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed. It got out of control xD
> 
> Come visit me on [tumblr!](http://solarrift.tumblr.com)


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